You and Me...

You and me we're meant to be

Walking free in harmony

One fine day we'll fly away

Don't you know that Rome wasn't built in a day

In this day and age it's so easy to stress

'Cause people are strange and you can never second guess

In order to love child we got to be strong

I'm caught in the crossfire why can't we get along

I'm having a daydream, we're getting somewhere

I'm kissing your lips and running fingers through your hair

I'm as nervous as you 'bout making it right

Though we know we were wrong, we can't give up the fight, oh no

'Cause you and me we're meant to be

Walking free in harmony

One fine day we'll run away

Don't you know that Rome wasn't built in a day

You and me we're meant to be

Walking free in harmony

One fine day we'll fly away

Don't you know that Rome wasn't built in a day

....

(By Morcheeba - Rome Wasn't Built in a Day)

My moon

Quarter moon, always makes me think of you

Are you thinkin' of me too? When you see it shines

It's kind of sad; but I'm smiling, imagine that

cause we were lucky to have had what we had

if only for a time...

Didn't we set the nights on fire

Did ever a flame burn any higher

Wasn't it so sweet? Wasn't it?

Didn't we love

It's okay, sometimes I just get this way

I can't forget you anyway, I wouldn't even try

I'd rather fall than never to have flown at all

It was heaven after all, if only for a time

Didn't we set the nights on fire

Did ever a flame burn any higher

Wasn't it so sweet? Wasn't it?

Didn't we love

Didn't we have it all back then

Will I feel that way again?

Isn't it bittersweet, isn't it?

Didn't we love

....

(By Tamara Walker - 'Didn't We Love')

Wish you were somehow here again

You were once my one companion . . .

You were all that mattered . . .

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .

Wishing you were somehow near . . .

Sometimes it seemed

If I just dreamed, somehow you would be here . . .

Wishing I could hear your voice again . . .

Knowing that I never would . . .

Dreaming of you won't help me to do

All that you dreamed I could . . .

Passing bells and sculpted angels,

cold and monumental,

seem, for you, the wrong companions -

you were warm and gentle . . .

Too many years fighting back tears . . .

Why can't the past just die . . .?

Wishing you were somehow here again . . .

Knowing we must say goodbye . . .

Try to forgive . . . teach me to live . . .

give me the strength to try . . .

No more memories, no more silent tears . . .

No more gazing across the wasted years . . .

Help me say goodbye

....

(By Andrew Lloyd Webber)

A Memories Keeper

Dear Mr. Bolster,

Tonight, I had a nightmare again. Every time when I have the nightmare, I think of you the most. Wish you were here with me, when I carefully opened up my eyes which the bad dream scenes were still clearly attached on my two eyes.

While I was writing this letter to you, my rights hand hardly hold the pen, and even harder to keep the letters’ shape proper and let them walking right along on the line.

My wide-eyes and shaking body are so awaken in this middle of the night, surrounding with the moon light. I poorly have no one to think of at all, beside you.

It already has been such a long time; we have no more seeing each other, and I have never received or heard your voice come through from the phone. Of course I have been trying make a call to you. There always is just the boring melody tone in response. But I have never forgotten you.

I would like to let you know, ‘it is really hard to forget someone in life, especially, the one was bonded to you, and used to think he always be there, always stays beside you.’

Every time when people, our friends, mention about your name, I often got a smile on my face. It inspires me to imagine of your face shape-line, tone of voice, shape of your lips and your soft hair. Including the way you walk, the way you are waving hands while you are so deep and enjoy in the conversation. I can also still feel the cold and warm touch on your skin, your eyes-reflection from the bad or happy thoughts are so shining in my memory.

I remember all things about you, Mr. Bolster; never let them fall apart from the long distance or get them off from the road of remembrance. It has seemed to be the very long lonely road since you certainly walked away from me.

Do you recall of the story you have told me?

The story of the little girl who get lost into the deep jungle, the isolated land from all human kind’s perception, in the forest which is like…

‘The un-indicated territorial land, endless street, which lie down on the world surface, seemed to be in the imaginative country, have not been bothering by any creatures.’

‘It is filled up with emptiness, seemed to be a base of un-existed state, un-located nation, untouchable ground.’

‘But it really exists in the remembrance sphere. It slowly moves which nearly stays still creeping in the various speed of motion, it is quite half of dream and memory.’

These elements have never faded away from my thought and mind.

Well-memorized of me, you also said you were like the little girl.

The girl got lost and maybe could not get out from the wilderness. The end of the story gives no solution; how the girl finds the way out of the deep forest or neither successfully walks back to her home nor might have not seen herself out of the forest again.

You mentioned once you have visited that forest before. You carelessly whispered discovering the route to go to that place to me.

“Just close your eyes, you will reach there.”

I had never understood, could not find the appropriate way to attain. Till after you have gone. I had been trying days after days, rarely eat and hardly sleep. At the moment, I knew if I could not see you in the real life any more, I would try my best to reach you in the place you often like to live in.

I now bet my ability is so far so much better than yours. I presently arrive there without closing my eyes, no more.

The jungle is called ‘World of remembrance’, isn’t it?

I discovered, reached and recognized it pretty well.

Some trees are so fresh and quite colorful, which are labeled ‘a new brand’ memories. Just found in front of our eyes, then moved down deep inside us, stamped on the provided special space for them. How important the illustrations are, they will flow to the different keeping boxes, more precious and impressive than regular memories.

All the memories will be well-kept in the boxes with the proper temperature, suitable for any chemical compounds they are. Whenever you would love to recall them, just go there and open up the box you keep them. How many times you unlock the box or just give an unofficial or un-intently glance, how much you would realize all things inside are more and more shining and warmer.

Days after days are passing by to become a month, and difficultly avoid being years. The world of memories might be washed, rotten, and gone away. It actually depends on the keepers, of how many times they recall them, how many times they visit these places? Some keepers leave some distance between them and the jungle, just walking around on the edge; some of them still have never forgotten the jungle remains there, some lost things forever.

Obviously, some keepers let it go by seldom visiting the forest. The trees finally have ran away from them also, and fearfully become permanent gone.

Mr. Bolster. That kind of lost always hurt me. I can feel the depressing cold wind is coming, and is going to occupied everything here. Unpredictable pain is running with the water through my eyes.

Because for all of the memories are treasure of mine.

One says ‘time doesn’t erase anything, people do.’

They are only things I can keep, admire and feel like swimming among the satisfaction, in every day, in every moment, or whenever I want to. Although there are both happy and sad boxes, I just extremely enjoy just conceiving them.

I neither have no desire to forget any thing about you, nor have never ignored to remember…

Thank you, Mr. Bolster to introduced me to the wonder land. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing and whoever you are with. Please know that I always think of you. Think of the little girl in your story. Think of you when you are sleeping, taking a deep breath-in and out beside my body.

I am trend to write you a letter every time I got a bad dream. I am getting better after I wrote to you, less in fear and lonesome. Could reduce some distance between us. Do you think so?

By writing you a letter without knowing your address or where to send to might sound so strange. But still hoping my words are on the paper will somehow reach you somehow you will hear them read itself to you.

One last thing that I want to tell you, the box I keep our memories, have no gray pictures, not rotten or tear apart throughout the length of running time. I will take good care of it. I promise.

I still hope one day you will let me see your face again. For once more time after you shared the secret escaping world to me, about the secret of how to seek for having happiness by your own.

A tiny appeal at last, please guides me to the way to get rid of the nightmare that has been happening since you have gone. Please…

All day today is a day for Benny!

All day today, I spent time painting a picture of Benny...and missing him terribly.

The Benny is now 4 year-old

I haven't mentioned much that I have a puppy. Well he might not be considered as a puppy anymore but I like to call that way. His name is Benny. And this year, this March Benny already turns to 4 year-and 6 months old.

But since I quit a job last May, and then joined Mekong School, he had to go to stay with my parents' house in Chiang Rai. I can't take care of him any longer. Actually, Benny had to go a few months before that - I moved out from a house then stayed in a dorm where there was no space for him. That's all. However, I go to Chiang Rai from time to time to visit him and be with him.

Today I really miss him, haven't seen him for quite awhile. Thinking of him, and me, about the journeys and adventures we have been through together. Whenever I feel sad, whenever I cry he is always with me and never leave my side. I cooked for him, and he didn't like it - that's the best story for all time which my mom always teases me with. 'Your cook must be terrible, even Benny can't eat it.' Says my mom.

In October 2006, Benny was run over by a pick-up truck. His hips bone was broken, he was almost gone, but he fought and eventually survived through the night. We took good care of him, until his body and bone were recovered. About three months after he could begin to walk again, but yet to run. We were so happy to see him walking and playing around again. That was a miracle. And now he rans SO fast, nobody believes that he was once hit by a car and had to stay, couldn't move for like three months. Well, he is super fast runner, still.

Later on, after his recover from the accident, we had to take him to hospital again. This time, there was a pock on his ear and a vet said we needed to cut it off. You can see a photo below that he had to wear a rounded plastic to prevent him from his feet.

Really miss Benny today, can't go to see him now as my heart wish so that I do blogging about him here. A million hugs for him... my puppy.

The first week that he stayed with us.

When he was about 2-3 months old, we took him to a park in Chiang Mai University.

I sewn and made alphabet 'B' on his colar leash, unfortunately he wore just for a month or so because he grew up so fast, got bigger and couldn't wear it anymore.

He was playing in the garden at our country house, in Chiang Mai.

Benny was put on the bench, while we were cleaning house, he was just runny around and was naughty. We put him up there, and he was so scared, quite funny. Look at his face!

After the cutting off a pock, he was still feeling dizzy from the medicine that put him to sleep.

Kissing Benny...

Still young, but his face is like a very old dog.

Some times in January, 2008

Busy, but not busy

This week was busy, and I am glad that Friday has finally arrived. Four classes and one meeting made me feel like wanna sleep and don't wanna wake up anymore. However, I took the time off a few hours and do my water color painting. They were not yet that 'good' and need lots of practices. I also bought new brushes and a bottle of masking glue aimed to create a new piece by using this masking technique. This it's all for today. Tomorrow, I've got to do some homework otherwise the end of the semester I would be stay up all day, all night trying to finish all the term papers. :o)

G'morning Sunday and little darlin'

Woke up today, fully recovered from terrible migraine. I started to paint again. Today the weather is quite nice, looking outside there is blue sky, and the wind blows touching my face.

Then, a movie 'Jerry Maguire' (1996) came in my mind. I remember that when this movie came out as a VDO, back then when I was about thirteen years old. I was so in love with this movie, and kept watching it, not because of Tom Cruise but Renee Zellweger I suppose. Her act is in the movie is wonderful. The very first movies she's in and she did impress the audience.

One of the songs I just kept listening to, is 'The Horses' by Rickie Lee Jones. I didn't really know what its lyric meaning. Back in those years, the internet access was still unpopular. What I did, was to recorded the song and repeated it trying to get the lyric right. It was something fun, and there were many people did like that, actually. :o)

Here we go, the lyric is nice and I would love to put it here for remember this beautiful Sunday, and another lovin' moment I have while doing my painting. Also, the little Por, little self in me, who keeps encouraging me to do whatever I want to do, to love me however I am. Cheers for my little Por, my little darlin' of my own...

We will fly way up high

where the cold wind blows

Or in the sun, laughing and having fun

With the people that she knows

And if the situation should keep us separated

You know the world won't fall apart

And you will free the beautiful bird

That's caught inside your heart

Can't you hear her? Oh she cries so loud

Casts her wild note, over water and cloud

That's the way it's gonna be, little darlin'

We'll be riding ont he horses, yeah

Way up in the sky, little darlin'

And if you fall I'll pick you up, pick you up

You'll grow, and until you go

I'll be right there by your side

And even then, whisper the wind

And she will carry up your ride

I hear all the people of the world

In a little bird's lonely cry

See them trying every way they know how

To make their spirits fly

Can't you see him, he's down on the ground

He has a broken wind, looking all around

That's the way it's gonna be, little darlin'

You'll be riding on the horses, yeah

Way up in the sky, little darlin'

And if you fall I'll pick you up, pick you up

Don't worry 'bout a thing little girl

Because I was young myself not so long ago

And when I was young, when I was young

And when I was young,

oh I was a wild, wild one....

Wide awake

Another watercolor painting, and I did it while listening to Emi Fujita's Camomile Extra album. The whole album is full of good songs, and with her voice - have filled the air in my room with warmth and love. Though out there the gray sky of Bangkok could easily make me feel blue.

The dawn breaks slowly in the east

- as day defeats the night

The eccho of your voice that greets

The feeble morning light

Is the only answer to my silent prayer

And the promises i never make

You are always with me - your always there

In my dreams - though i am wide awake

And sometimes a forbidden glance

Will give my heart away

The light that kindled our romance

May flicker through the gray

All the gold and silver at the rainbows end

All earthly goods - i'll forsake

For each shooting star - a wish i send

And i dream - though i am wide awake

You were the rolling tidal wave

That swept my barren shores

If you will let me share your day

My life's forever yours

I will never understand the reason why

We fail to learn from our mistakes

I will wait for you as the days go by

With my dream - though i am wide awake

(Song 'Wide Awake')

Life is wonderful

It takes a crane to build a crane

It takes two floors to make a story

It takes an eggs to make a hen

It takes a hen to make an egg

There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word

And it takes a word to make an action

It takes some good to make it hurt

It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful

Ah la la la la la la life is full circle

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful...

It takes a night to make it dawn

And it takes a day to you yawn brother

It takes some old to make you young

It takes some cold to know the sun

It takes the one to have the other

It takes no time to fall in love

But it takes you years to make you what love is

It takes some tears to make it rust

It takes some dust to make it polished

It takes some silence to make sound

It takes a loss before you found it

It takes a road to go nowhere

It takes a toll to know you care

It takes a hole to make a mountain

(Life is wonderful by Jason Mraz)